Things I already know going into the Master Gardener program.
Gardening is a misnomer. It should be called weeding.
- My lawn is my garden. I’m not proud of that; I’m just saying.
- Everything that is not grass, no matter how green, is a weed. Scientific fact.
- Every weed you want to identify cannot be found in any plant guide or even on the Google. Especially on the Google.
- Corollary: Weeds in books and on the Google look much healthier than mine.
- For every weed you pull, there are two you missed.
- Corollary: Mowing after you weed just make obvious how many weeds you missed.
- For every species of weed your herbicide kills, there is another one waiting to blow in.
- Corollary: Herbicides show just how extensive your weed patch is … when the weeds die leaving a big open space with nothing growing, except a new species of weed. (See photo caption.)
- It’s easier to pull weeds early in the morning when there is dew on the ground. Also cooler.
- Of all the weeds, crab grass is the least offensive. At least it has grass in its name.
- Weeds really make your lawn look green.
- At some point, you just have to move on. So move on. There’s always next season.
Master Gardener classes begin Sept. 13 and, oh, the things you and I will learn together.